- In a Previous Life (Part One)
- In a Previous Life (Part 2)
So that first semester ended with me receiving a 4.0 average, and still being able to attend just about every seder in yeshiva. But I was burning the candle at both ends, and it would hit me hard the next semester, when I would be taking much more serious courses; Inorganic Chem I, and Precalculus.
I’ll give away the ending now; I did royally horrible in both courses. I suppose I probably would have done well in math, if not for the fact that I was taking it with a home-study CD-based kit. That experience taught me how much better I perform in a real classroom environment.
Chemistry, although it was a course that I did physically show up for, did not offer me much solace either. The professor was a cranky old Yekki, who was also (interestingly for a Yekki) a devout Chassid of a group who’s patriarch I am pretty closely related to [1]. I would show up for class, often late, due in equal parts to traffic (it was an hour drive without cars on the road) and the fact that I was still trying to maximize my presence in yeshiva. The prof make comments [2] to me like “y’know your like a fine wine – only the exact opposite, you’re disintegrating as the semester goes on.” The jab that caused me to drop his course was his “I don’t see a doctor in your future, my friend, perhaps a medicine man,” line.
By this point, my Rebbi had given me points for the sincerity that I had displayed to him re: maintaining a rigorous yeshiva schedule, and therefore ‘forgot that he did not know’ that I had been taking courses, so that he might be able to console me. I was pretty much beyond consolation though. I told him that it’s ludicrous for me to be spending so much time just getting to school on the nights that I had class, and that I would be leaving Yeshiva unless he furthered his dispensations for me by allowing me to go to the local (forget about non-Orthodox – not even Jewish) school down the street – a five minute drive away.
He hemmed and hawed on it, finally saying that he would have to ask his rebbi if it would be okay. Turtles all the way down, I tell ya.
[1] In the beginning of the semester, when he had not yet thought terribly of me (in fact, he really liked me…in the very early days of the term), he would often interrupt his over-rapidly-paced lectures to say, “that’s like the famous vort said over by the Yechachu Rebbe,” he would then point at me, saying “You’re a great-grandson of his, right? You know the vort, right?” Even on the occasions when I did in fact know the vort, an attack of nerves would besiege me, and not a word would leave my mouth during the two-second opportunity that I was given to answer him within. He would continue to say the vort, and I would feel wholly miserable.
[2] In front of the entire class.
Next time: Visit To a Secular Campus
#1 by K - April 28th, 2009 at 18:19
Wow….what a story. Sounds like a lot of obstacles, doing both yeshiva and college.
Pre-calc is hard, I had to take it twice.
#2 by Simcha - November 8th, 2009 at 08:43
To remain so motivated to achieve what you felt needed to be done, in an environment that not only gives you no encouragement about what you are doing, but gives strong discouragement, is remarkable. I don’t think I ever would have been able to go to college, even in a yeshiva which allows college, if the yeshiva strongly discourages college. In fact if the college course would require me to drive an hour or more, I would have a hard time completing such a course, even if I was in a Yeshiva which encouraged college.
. It could be that this midah (that was shown by you doing what you felt is important to do, despite the discouraging environment), is a midah that would calm down the concerns that most Rebeim have in regards to Bochurim attending college, (even full time college). For if one can be involved in an activity despite it being strongly discouraged by the Yeshiva, than Kal Va’chomer one can be involved in Yidishkeit and Torah on a college campus where there is no discouragement, (they are just neutral).
However, I can hear strong arguments against this. But what about a night college? Can this midah, show enough dedication that perhaps a night college can be allowed? The truth is, however, we don’t go with statistics when it comes to the Yetzer Haara and therefore this entire argument is thrown out the window. There is a Satan in the world which tries to get people to stop learning. There may not be such a Satan when it comes to college.
Although it actually is a mitzvah for a father to teach his son a profession, for otherwise he may come to steal, the Satan might not be so involved with the participation of this activity.
This can be seen from the fact that the Malach of Eisav who is the Satan fought with Yaakov. Why Yaakov? Why not Avraham, or Yitchak?
I saw brought down that the Satan will let Jews do Chesed Mitzvos and Tefila, as long as they don’t learn Torah. History, has proven this to be true. It is the Beis MEdrash which keeps us alive! Look at the Stone Chumash around page 173 or 175 which explains this concept fully.
Nevertheless, it is very possible that had you have been in an encouraging environment it is very possible, even likely that you would have accomplished all of your goals. Perhaps when A bochur is in this type of situation he should consult a true Adam Gadul for Guidance. I heard in the name of Rav Matisyahu Solomon, that the definition of an Adam Gadul is one that has the following 4 traits. He know the entire Torah “Col Hatorah Cula”, he has general knowledge about this world, He has Midos Tovos, and has an Ahavas Yisroel for all Yidden, with no exceptions.